My mother died last Wednesday night, while I was on vacation, enjoying myself. I am numb, I don't know how to feel. All I can do is cry. What do you do when the person who taught you the most, who gave you the most is gone? How am I supposed to go on without her?
Like most mother/daughter relationships, we have had our trials and tribulations. But, we never let it come between our love for one another. There were many many times when I didn't understand her, and thought that she didn't know me or even attempt to understand me. In hindsight, I know that wasn't true.
The only thing keeping me from jumping off the nearest bridge is my faith in God. Seriously, I lost my son 4 years ago to diabetes, now my mother. It makes one think, how much more can I stand oh Lord? However, my mother used to always tell me, "He never puts more on you than you can bear."
Well, I'm bearing.
You know, its weird because the day that she died, I had spoken to her by phone, while at DisneyWorld, tellling her how much fun I was having. She was happy I was able to go and have fun. She also told me, as always to be careful. Whose going to tell me that now? To be careful?
I was teasing her on the phone, telling her that she needed to learn how to receive and read the text messages I sent to her cell phone. She just laughed at me. Telling me she didn't care about that kind of stuff. But, that she would try the next time.
I also joked with her and told her she should get on Facebook. My mom just laughed and asked, "What's a Facebook?"
See, my mom felt inherently that computers are evil, I disagreed, telling her its not the computer, but the people on them. She responded, "that too.!"
Through all of this, I have received tremendous support and well wishes from my Facebook friends, Twitter and Blogging buddies. If I haven't told all of you how much your words of encouragement means to me, I apologize. Its been difficult coming to terms with the mere thought of having to bury my mother. This just isn't real. It can't be.
Thank you for all of your prayers, cards and telephone calls. You have no idea how much that means to me.
I'd like to share a couple of photos of my mom that I took....thank you for reading.
[10:03 AM | 3 comments ]