The Incredible Farting Man On The Train

My ride back to St Louis was just great. Instead of a five hour layover, I got lucky and hopped on the 1:45pm train back to STL. God turned my ears on super hearing when the final announcements were read at Union Station in Chicago for the Texas Eagle train. Curiosity led me to ask the conductor if it was okay to take this train instead of waiting 3.5 more hours for my original booked ride. He told me I had three minutes to board, boy was I ecstatic. On top of that I was upgraded to the sleeper train! 5 Stars Amtrak.

Everything was going fine until about two hours into my ride. The guy I sat next to started farting in his sleep. Not loud non-smelly farts, but silent killers. The kind that make you sick to your stomach. His farts were lethal and I was trapped.

It was at that time that I wished I had of worn a hoodie, so my sensitive nostrils would have been protected. How could such a skinny dude stink up a train like that? Totally unreal.

I know my facial expressions had the 'help me' look. There I was without any Lysol, Febreeze or even Oust. Just me and my farty friend. He was cutting up. I don't know what he had to eat but it needed to come out, in the toilet at least and not while sleeping next to me. Just think, he was farting on me and we hadn't even been formally introduced.

Usually guys wait until they get to know you before they introduce you to their funk. I mean, where is the love? And on top of things, he was a young dude, probably about 22 maybe 23. He had no business smelling like that. He smelled like something had crawled up in him and died.

The sleeper train was not to be slept on this time. I had to get up and walk up to the dining car just to get away from the incredible farting man. It was there I remained until he got off in Bloomington, Illinois.

I didn't dare sit in his seat either when I got back. After he departed, I sat in my seat, took my jacket, used it as cover and slept peacefully. Thank God, his farting behind had gotten off the train before me.

This was just a quick thing I wrote on the train back to St Louis from Detroit recently. You have just ventured into Teasas World.